Awww. Hell. YES!!!
We’re baaaaack!!!
It’s been two long years since our last family basketball-a-go-go. And one longer-feeling year since our lives were upended by the pandemic.
So much has happened since thens that it’s hard to know where to start.
Well, how about let’s start with a “dub” for Dub, who, along with our many family alums, was carrying the hopes of UVA, from the shores of #1 losing to #16 ignominy to the mountaintop of glory and through a series of exciting buzzer beater comebacks. Our 2019 winner!
And since then, our family has grown again. Daniel and Honor brought forth Virginia (Ginny) in August 2019. Katy and Dave welcomed Baby Addie, who turns 1 on Thursday. And Rhyne welcomed Adult Elizabeth to the Gulley family on Sept. 19. I know we’re all looking forward to a September 2021 party to pay our respects to all of these lovely ladies.
Our family also gained a college graduate — Gordon, who finished soon after the COVID shutdown began — and a bionic man — Dub, who underwent surgery to supercharge his already supercharged brain. Claire joined the Texas-to-Colorado transplants, Pierce set up shop in D.C., and Daniel & Honor moved from New Jersey to Pennsylvania just in time to join in the conspiracy to register millions of dead people who were shipped in by busloads to drop Xeroxed copies of mail-in ballots into unattended drop boxes, some of which were stolen and used as sock drawers, others that were taken to precincts to be pushed by hamsters into counting machines that were programmed to shred ballots marked one way and to spit out the ballots marked another way, and those ballots were then repackaged and smuggled into voting centers via catering vans that — WORST OF ALL — carried 100 egg salad sandwich boxed lunches instead of the 50 buffalo chicken wraps and 50 roast beef and cheddar ciabattas the Boogaloo Boi/registrar thought he’d ordered. Good work, Coates-Kin.
We watched our Lovely Libby battle through a copperhead bite, and we’ve watched Sarah and Kiran run through a caseload of t-shirts to prep for the arrival of Revi’s service dog.
We’ve also seen books published (Carl), and superhero cartoons invented (Beth); patios constructed (Joe), and museums opened (Rebecca); roads traveled (Jim), books ravished (Caroline) and governors annoyed (me).
And yes, Dell turned 13 the day Virginia’s governor announced the emergency shut-down, which means, MIKE AND I HAVE BEEN QUARANTINED WITH A TEENAGER THIS ENTIRE TIME!
We both already work at home so the shut-down has really been a fairly painless transition for us. Harder for Mike because he actually likes people and misses them.
I didn’t jump on the sourdough bread-baking bandwagon, and luckily we were well enough stocked that I avoided having to knit new toilet paper for us, but I did channel my college radio days to make a series of recordings on this, that or the boring thing. You can check the first one here.
Oh, and there was an election, results were contested, supporters swarmed the Capitol, nothing new here, blah blah blah.
But we’re here! And we’re ready for some basketball, even it is basketball under the most bizarre circumstances.
The Cat Commissioners have become useless balls of fluff, to which some may, “have become, or always were?” They’ve loved the shutdown because it means three permanent ottomans in the form of human shape — 24/7/365 — for them to knead, burrow next to and vomit on.
Dell has officially taken over their job, meaning last night he found himself covered in glitter after reaching into a box I used to use for crafting supplies to draw out this year’s golden tickets. You can credit him with getting this missive out the door even before the first play-in game would have been played — in a normal year — because he’s been naggi– I mean, gently reminding me of my duties for the past two weeks.
So, what alchemy did we contrive to double our swelling numbers into 32 units this year? On the two extreme ends of the spectrum, Director Dell and I thought best to have Lee with Martie because Lee is with Martie. (And here’s where I’ll raise a glass to you, Martie, for all that you do to keep Our Girl going each day.)
And on the other end of the generational spectrum, I doubled up ALL the tiniest generation together. That means Rowan, Cora, Simon, Teddie, Virginia, Revi, and Addie will Fight, Fight, Fight for their Home Team, even if very few of them know each other.
I doubled up Katie and Dave again, and also Rhyne and Elizabeth because they are all still more or less newlyweds probably still like each other.
Finally, I’ve doubled up Mike B. and Mike P. This is because with all of their replacement knees, shoulders, hips and neck bones, there is at least one whole human between the two of them.
And now, for the first time since 2019, let’s get on with the 2021-Mostly-Annual-Rhyne-Blyth-Patterson-Wow-This-Is-Delicious-Celery-Said-No-One-Ever-Because-Celery-Is-Fine-But-NEVER-Delicious-Family-NCAA-Basketball-Extravaganza!
| Beth | LSU (8-E) | Michigan (1-E) |
| Carl | Colgate (14-S) | Rutgers (10-MW) |
| Caroline | Morehead St. (140MW) | USC (6-W) |
| Christine | Maryland (10-E) | Kansas (3-W) |
| Claire | Virginia (4-W) | Ohio (13-W) |
| Dan | Creighton (5-W) | Missouri (9-W) |
| Daniel | North Carolina (8-S) | Colorado (5-E) |
| Davy (Katy+Dave) | Iowa (2-W) | Virginia Tech (10-S) |
| Dell | Villanova (5-S) | Cleveland St. (15-MW) |
| Dottie | Baylor (1-S) | Oklahoma St. (4-MW) |
| Dub | Michigan St./UCLA (11-E) | St. Bonaventure (9-E) |
| Elaine | Clemson (7-MW) | Georgetown (12-E) |
| Elizabeth | Oklahoma (8-W) | Eastern Washington (14-W) |
| Ellie | Mt. St. Mary’s/Texas Southern (16-E) | Tennessee (5-MW) |
| EZRhyne (Elizabeth & Rhyne) | Texas (3-E) | BYU (6-E) |
| Gordon | Iona (15-E) | North Texas (13-S) |
| Honor | Winthrop (12-S) | Texas Tech (6-S) |
| Jim | Gonzaga (1-W) | Drexel (16-MW) |
| Joe | UC-Santa Barbara (12-W) | Liberty (13-MW) |
| Karen | Wisconsin (9-S) | Georgia Tech (9-MW) |
| Kiran | Arkansas (3-S) | West Virginia (3-MW) |
| Libby | Ohio State (2-S) | Illinois (1-MW) |
| M&M (Mike & Mike) | Purdue (4-S) | Wichita St./Drake (11-W) |
| MarLee (Martie & Lee) | Alabama (2-E) | Houston (2-MW) |
| Megan | Norfolk St./Appalachian St. (16-W) | Oregon St. (12-MW) |
| Pierce | Abilene Christian (14-E) | Oral Roberts (15-S) |
| Rebecca | Oregon (7-W) | Florida (7-S) |
| Rivers | Connecticut (7-E) | Florida State (4-E) |
| Robert | UNC-Greensboro (13-E) | San Diego State (6-MW) |
| Sarah | Virginia Commonwealth (10-W) | Syracuse (11-MW) |
| Susan | Harford (16-S) | Loyola Chicago (8-MW) |
| Tiny Generation | Utah St. (S-11) | Grand Canyon (15-W) |
Ok. I can’t. I just can’t.
I simply canNOT go any further with seed totals or #1 seeds or anything else because… because… Pierce… Pierce has Abilene Christian….AND….Oral Roberts. Oh my heavenly heavens. That the most godly among us (and by godly I mean the most living the life of a swinging eligible bachelor) will be championing not one but two evangelical institutions!?! I’m pretty sure the young man — fine as he is to all of us — would ignite quicker than the proverbial burning bush if he stepped foot on either one of those campuses. Bless me, Pierce, for apparently I have sinned against you.
And not much better for Joe. He’s got the lefties of UC Santa Barbara and the righties of Liberty. Granted, since Falwell’s Fall, the Flames have cooled their rhetoric and gotten back into the business of producing well-rounded graduates and finer basketball players for the 76ers. But still, it’s not exactly a match made in Pearly-Gates-Guarded Heaven.
So, about those #1 seeds: Libby is coming in hot with #1 Illinois and #2 Ohio State. I think we’ve had a 1-2 combination before, but it’s rare, and these midwest powerhouses should carry her far.
The other #1 seeds lie with Beth (Michigan), Dottie (Baylor) and Jim (Gonzaga). Jim will be countering the sweet with the sour because he’s got a #16 to go with those #1 fries. Dottie has the third best seed total of 5, just above MarLee’s total of 4, and Beth is tied with EZRhyne with a seed total of #9.
I’m bringing up the rear (because that’s what Rhyne girls do/have) with one of the #16 seeds — a play-in, at that, along with the aforementioned Jim, Ellie (the other play-in) and Susan. My seed total of 28 is tied with Gordon for the second worst, but it is Pierce, who has the worst total of 29 because Abilene Christian & Oral Roberts. I….I….I….
Claire has the self-destructing pairing of #4 Virginia and #13 Ohio, who play each other in the first round.
Kiran has the Deliverance Duo of Arkansas and West Virginia. Daniel has both of my alma maters (UNC and Colorado). Sarah has the former school (VCU) of her alma mater’s coach, and her alma mater is held by EZRhyne. Elaine carries her uncle’s undergrad school (Clemson), while her sister carries that same uncle’s near-graduate school alma mater (thanks, Korean War!) of Wisconsin.
The Tiny Generation carries with it the beauty of the Southwest with Utah State and Grand Canyon. Dell’s Villanova started off the season strong, but I think I’m glad I don’t work for the marketing department of Cleveland State. “Come to CLEVELAND! We used to be a YMCA!”
[insert more pithy observations here.]
That will do it for now, ma famille. Please leave a comment below, if you’re so inclined, and feel free to trash talk and brag about your vaccine status.
Mad love to all!
— Megan
p.s. I would dunk on Duke for not being in the tournament, but it is only by the grace of COVID that UNC did not suffer the same fate last year. I was with Mike, Dell and one of Dell’s friends (whose mom went to Duke) at THE game, the one where Clemson finally won its first game in Chapel Hill since before Our Man Ed Rhyne was even born!
MeggityHoff 
Hoorah for Megan reestablishing this glorious family tradition! Maybe the tournament (this one or the actual one) will provide more excitement than the regular season. I had to look up the Cleveland State tidbit, but enjoyed the commentary enormously. Good luck everyone!
Amazing write up as always! If Duke isn’t in the tourney at least I can pull for my powerhouses or piety. Their combined seeding may be highest in the family but their combined enrollment of 8,410 might be a floor. True, they may not play past Saturday but that leaves my Sunday free for bible study. Love to all and looking forward to seeing everyone when we’ve all received the Faucci-Ouchey
powerhouses of piety* 🙃
Thanks for this clever and hilarious write up! We’re content with our draw here. Sending everyone love and healthy vibes during the big dance and beyond.
Go duke…….. next year