Going along swimmingly, and basketballingly

So there I was, swimming my laps, as I do every other day, and I got to thinking about what will I wear to Claire and Sam’s wedding. The last time I went to a Hill Country wedding, I slept in a tent next to the slab of a soon-to-be house and woke up to the smell of my friend Darrin’s boots and a piece of fake poop on my jacket.

FLIP TURN

Then I started thinking, that the tournament starts on Thursday and that I had better get the family bracket together.

FLIP TURN

Then I started thinking how my first cousins once-removed keep expanding our numbers by getting hitched and bringing forth first cousins twice-removed, and how that really screws with the pairings and picks for the family challenge, and how “once-removed’ sounds like social services has been messing around with the family tree.

FLIP TURN

Then I started thinking about how many of these once- and twice-removeds live in Colorado. It’s second only to North Carolina. And I wondered what my life would have been like if I’d stayed in Colorado after law school. All I could imagine is that I might be 20 pounds lighter because I’d keep running with my school running buddies, but that I also might be 20 pounds heavier because I’d keep finding reasons to go out to eat with my school running buddies.

FLIP TURN

Then I started thinking about how Daniel won it all last year when the Kansas Jayhawks rallied from 20-something points down to defeat the Tarheels. And I remembered back to spending the Final Four weekend in Chapel Hill where Dell got to experience a Franklin Street Free-for-all after UNC beat Duke in the semis, and how I had to be nice to my sister and my cousins and such, but how I was whooping it up out there as much as Dell was. Oh yeah, but Daniel won it all, and it couldn’t have happened to a nice guy.

FLIP TURN

Then I got to thinking about how this year, I’ll start the tournament out in Charlottesville, Daniel’s (and Ellie’s and Dan’s) former stomping grounds. My annual conference is there tomorrow, James Madison’s birthday, also known as FOI Day in Virginia, for all those open government nerds out there. Anyone? Anyone? UVA’s game will be over by the time I get to relax with a post-conference cocktail (for my sciatica, of course), but it will be fun to see how the Wahoos Waaah during tournament time.

FLIP TURN

Then I started thinking about the woman in the lane next to me who swims EVERY DAY (I know this because she’s there every day I go, and Mike’s dad tells me she’s there on the days he goes) and goes nonstop for nearly an hour and a quarter, but that she slaps her arms and breathes almost straight in front of her that she looks like she’s drowning, but she just keeps going, but the slapping pisses me off, but she’s a beast, but, but,

FLIP TURN

Then I started thinking that this year, I made picks a little differently. Instead of picking teams out of a hat, I’d pick names out of a hat as we went through the brackets. Get out! Man, that’s so freaking radical. Then I remembered the pictures Dell and I took of the process, where we put names in a Virginia Tech hat because that’s the closest the Hokies were going to get to the tournament. And then we took pictures of the final picks next to a UNC hat because, well, that was the closest they were going to get to the tournament, too. It’s sad times at 14 Foxcroft.

FLIP TURN

Then I started thinking about how I was going to double people up, and after Dell said he wanted to be on a team with Rowan, I decided to match the little ones with their aunts and uncles instead of with their usual siblings, parents or grandparents. And then the new sisters-in-law just felt natch.

FLIP TURN

Then I started thinking about french fries.

FLIP TURN

Then I thought about how glad I was I did a timed swim today because I have no idea how many laps I’ve gone.

Now, back on dry land, it’s time to pull all those bits of swimming string together to present the 2023-Mostly-Annual-Rhyne-Blyth-Patterson-I-Mean-She-Slaps-the-Water-and-Like-Doesn’t-That-Just-Piss-You-Off-Because-We-All-Get-Style-Points-When-We-Show-Up-at-the-Pearly-Gates-Right?-Basketball-Tournamentally-Unstable.

South	Midwest	West	East
1-Alabama > Elizabeth/Susie (ES=Effortlessly sophisticated)	1 Houston > Kiran	1 Kansas > Revi/Carl (RC=RC Cola, not Pepsi)	1 Purdue > Auden/Karen (AK=Aunt Karen)
2 Arizona > Susan	2 Texas > Pierce/Charlee (PC=Politically correct)	2 UCLA > Libby/Dub (DL=Dub-L=Double)	2 Marquette > RC
3 Baylor > Sarah	3 Xavier > MikeB	3 Gonzaga > PC	3 Kansas State > Dave
4 Virginia > EllieC/Teddy (ET=Alien)	4 Indiana > Dottie	4 UConn > Christine	4 Tennessee > Daniel
5 San Diego State > Beth	5 Miami > Martie	5 St. Mary’s > Katie	5 Duke > Rivers
6 Creighton >EllieD/Gordon/Ginny (EGG=mmmm, eggs)	6 Iowa State > Rhyne	6 TCU > Elaine	6 Kentucky > DR
7 Missouri > Rebecca/Simon	7 Daniel > Texas A&M	7 Northwestern > Rhyne	7 Michigan State > Kiran
8 Maryland > Dell/Rowan (DR=Doctor)	8 Iowa > Caroline/Cora (CC=C+C Music Factory)	8 Arkansas > Zibba	8 Memphis > Martie
9 West Virginia > Dan	9 Auburn > ES	9 Illinois > Joe	9 Florida Atlantic > CC
10 Utah State > Jim	10 Elaine > Penn State	10 Boise St. > Megan	10 USC > Megan
11 NC State > MikeP	11 Pittsburgh > EGG	11 Arizon State or Nevada > Joe	11 Providence > AK
12 College of Charleston > Jim	12 Drake > Rivers	12 Virginia Commonwealth University > Robert	12 Oral Roberts > Susan
13 Furman >Simon/Rebecca (SR=Senior)	13 Kent State > MikeB	13 Iona > ASC	13 Louisiana-Lafayette > Robert
14 UC Santa Barbara > Christine	14 Kennesaw St. > Addy/Sam/Claire (ASC=April sacrament conferees)	14 Grand Canyon > DL	14 Montana State > Katie
15 Princeton > MikeP	15 Colgate > Beth	15 UNC-Ashville > Zibba	15 Vermont > Dan
16 Texas A&M Corpus Christi > Sarah	16 Northern Kentucky > Dottie	16 Howard > ET	16 Texas Southern or Farleigh Dickinson > Dave

Take a moment to behold the 1 and 2 seeds that RC have. I mean, kaboom! Notice how Ellie of ET has both her law school alma mater and her city in her picks with Teddy. Notice how much of the Rhyne contingent will cannibalize itself in the South region. Notice how MMMartie has both MMMiami and MMMemphis. Notice how Daniel has Tennessee, which has an Uruguayan player on its roster. Notice how Katie and Dave will play each other in the first round. Notice how Rivers has Drake and Duke; one more K and you’re out. Notice how Dan got the wrong Virginia. Notice how Beth’s teams are as far apart from each other as possible.

Notice the time! Yipes. I’ve got to get on the road. In lieu of further oh-so-witty banter, I’ll also publish a post I wrote a couple of years ago but forgot to post for whatever reason. Bonus content!

Love and hugs and kisses and fist bumps to all. Good luck!