No more Wordle talk. I just had to get that out of my system.
Here they come, ladies and gentlemen. Riding in, fresh from laying waste to birds and beasts, spewing more smoke and steam, snot and foam than Ted Cruz at a Supreme Court nomination confirmation hearing, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!
Their horses are not white, black, red and pale, but varying shades of blue.
I mean, that’s who they have to be, right? Under what else but the beginning of end times would it come to pass that the most famous rivalry in college basketball — heck, college sports — would be knocking at the door of the NCAA championship.
“None shall pass,” says Pierce’s UNC.
“Bitch, please,” Martie’s Duke rejoins.
It just couldn’t have been scripted any better than this. The 258th meeting of these two teams. Each with a humiliating loss against the other this season. Each with a glorious win. The last season for one storied coach. The beginning of the other’s story.
Goosebumps.
Joining the Antichrist (Duke. Duh.) and Death (UNC. Because, when they’ve lost this season, it’s been by total annihilation) on the other side of the bracket are Daniel+’s Famine (Kansas. Because who wouldn’t starve if all they had to eat were rocky, chalky, jay hawks?) versus Gordon’s War (Villanova. Because cats are always up for a fight, except when they’re sleeping, or have stubby legs). There WILL be fratricide on Saturday. There will also be one Rhyne and one Patterson, guaranteed, in the final.
But back to the trampling steeds who ran through the Peacocks, Razorbacks, Cougars and Hurricanes on their journey to New Orleans (where UNC has won two of their championships, I might add; Duke has a penchant for winning in Indianapolis).
We lost Rowan/Cora, Revi/Addie, Karen and Mike P., respectively. Since he was guaranteed a spot in the Elite 8, Mike P was pretty sanguine about his Cyclones’ loss in the previous round. It reminded me of….
Returning from a brief visit home back to my Dallas digs one summer in the mid-90s, Fledgling-Boyfriend picked me up at the airport and said, “We need to talk.” (Cue the scary music.) Soon-to-be-Ex-Boyfriend ruefully tells me that while I was gone, he learned — surprise! — that he was a father. His ex-girlfriend showed up with young child in tow and wanted to give it another go with him and he agreed.
Her name? I don’t remember her real name. Her stage name was Cyclona.
Now-Definitely-Ex-Boyfriend remarked how calmly I was taking the news. “Aren’t you going to cry or yell at me or throw something?” Dude, I thought, you knocked up a stripper named Cyclona. I’m good. Believe me. I’m good.
So, anyway, it was so nice to see photos of Susie and Rivers’ engagement party and of Beth and Martie at Great Falls. I’m looking forward to seeing Caroline and hopefully others when we travel down to Chapel Hill on Saturday to watch the game. It’s our Spring Break, so I went ahead and made a reservation through Monday night. Just in case.
Did you know I had my mind totally blown when a friend I’ve known since grade school — and who actually went to UNC two years ahead of me — pointed out that my name Megan R is an anagram for German.
Anyway, I may not be timely in getting updates out — there’s a game on right now — but be assured that I’m THINKING about writing updates at all times. Someone will say something funny, or I’ll read something on Twitter, or my stubby-legged cat will knock my iced coffee off my desk, and I’ll think “Oh, I gotta remember that for the update.” But then 5 minutes later it’s all Minnie Riperton earworms, cleaning up cat vomit and noticing my first gray hairs and every bon mot and delightful vignette goes sailing off to destinations unknown.
Anyway (again, anyway), I hope everyone had a chance to check in on the games last weekend. It was a wild couple of days, with plenty of wild results. Who would’ve imagined a Peacock would take down a Wildcat? Sorry, Dub (Kentucky), but way to go, Rowan/Cora (Saint Peter’s).
And though I can be delusionally optimistic about Carolina’s prospects at times, I really didn’t think they would pick off the first #1 seed of the tourney. Nor did I anticipate the Tar Heels giving me approximately 16 heart attacks along the way.
On the other hand is my wedding ring, I really thought I’d be able to squeeze at least one game out of my #5 seed UConn, but between impressive work by New Mexico State and the expected loss of Delaware (was Dell aware?), I was out of this family rodeo before I’d even showered and shaved.
I was one of nine who didn’t make it out of the first round. Joining me in the Walk of Shame were Carl (natch), Caroline, Claire/Sam, Dan, Dub, Libby, Mike B and Rebecca. Thank you for playing.
Fourteen people hung on for another round with one team: Beth, Christine, Daniel+, Jim, Joe, Karen, Katie/Dave, Martie, Revi/Addie, Rhyne/Zibba, Rivers/Susie, Robert, Rowan/Cora and Susan.
But the studs of the first round were the 9 who kept both of their teams: Dell, Dottie, Elaine, Elizabeth, Ellie, Gordon, Mike P, Pierce and Sarah/Kiran.
On the other other hand is Ed Rhyne’s wedding ring, the ax fell pretty hard on the two-teamers during the second round. Cousins Dottie and Sarah/Kiran and their Aunt Elaine went from two teams to none, while Dell, Elizabeth and Gordon did manage to hang on with one team. That means Ellie, Mike P and Pierce still have two teams.
Daniel+, Joe, Karen, Martie, Revi/Addie, Robert and Rowan/Cora still have breath left in them, but Beth, Christine, Jim, Katie/Dave, Rhyne/Zibba, Rivers/Susie and Susan were all shown the exits.
For those keeping score — and yes, I most definitely do keep score — of the 13 remaining people, 5 are Rhyne-related, 4 are Patterson-partnered and 4 are Blyth-bound. And the Rhynes are the only one guaranteed to have a team into the Elite 8 because Mike P’s two teams play each other.
If it seems like it was only yesterday that we saw one another, it’s not that far off. It was 35 — give or take a sunrise or two —yesterdays ago. Martie, Robert, Susan, Libby and Dub hosted such a lovely weekend to toast and pay tribute to the Lovely Lee. I am quite confident she would have heartily approved of the mingled Patterson/Rhyne cousins, the cocktails, and the church organ music to rival a Metallica concert. (Really, I felt like I was in one of those old Maxell commercials.) I feel so lucky to have as my last memory of her her smiling face asking Karen, as she pointed out all the cousins gathered in Karen’s dining room after Rhyne and Elizabeth’s 2nd wedding, “You mean Baby Megan?” Yes! I may be 56, but I’m still the Baby. Suckahs!
Of course, this means that the children of the Greatest Generation siblings — Dot, Lee and Ed (three people in just 5 letters) — are now themselves the oldest generation. We are great, but not quite the Greatest. Most of us are in the Baby Boom (Boomers I and Boomers II) generation, but Susan and Baby Megan pull us just over the wire into Gen X territory, too. Therefore, I do now pronounce us Boom X.
The next ripple outward in the gene pool is Mostly Millennials, though Christine gets to be an X-er, too, depending on which charts you go by, and Gordon and Dell get to claim Gen Z status. But then so do the chilluns of the Millennials, who are — wait for it — the great great grandchildren of those strawberry growing, corn picking, North Carolinians who may be the only married couple in history with the names Orestes and Huldah. Let’s hope so, at least.
The Mostly Millennials continue to grow, with the soon-to-be added Susie and Sam. And Gen Z will soon surpass us all, as we anticipate Rhyne and Elizabeth’s next nodule on the family tree branch.
But enough of this fecundity! Let’s get down to the real reason we’re here. To watch some basketball and talk some smack. First off, we have to congratulate last year’s winner: DOTTIE! Her Baylor Bears absolutely crushed Jim’s undefeated Gonzaga Bulldogs. Honestly, it was one of the most impressive performances I can remember. Gonzaga never led and was never closer than they were at 2-0 with 39:33 left in the game. Both teams are back this year, but with two different carriers to infect the group. Ha ha, a little pandemic humor. Anyone? Anyone?
Tiny Strips of Love
This is a Scientific Process
The Cat Ex-Commissioners again supervised this year’s picks, but it was Deputy Director Dell who was the ultimate picker, digging in an old ski hat for the tiny strips of love (that was my stage name when I go-go’ed at the PussyCat Lounge) that determined our family fate.
I was lucky to catch Dell at home. He has discovered, as I did at about his age, that it’s pretty great to have an amusement park practically in your backyard. Providing he can persuade his lazy-assed parents to get off the couch and drive him — sometimes just him, but usually with a friend — he has embarked on a quest to ride the park roller coasters 1000 times in 2022. A new roller coaster opened two weeks ago to special pass holders only and there was Dell, who a mere seven months ago still eyed roller coasters with suspicion. And, when he’s not riding, he’s striding. After cross country and indoor track, it’s onto outdoor track, complete with spiky shoes. We spend a lot of time running after him.
Mike continues to experiment with his 3D printer, which I bought for him with dreams of him creating molds to make his own fishing lures or some specialty part for his many ingenious MacGyver-like fixes for broken things that his less patient wife would have thrown out (I have this fantasy that we can throw out just a fraction of the snips and scraps, odds and ends he hangs onto just because there’s a CHANCE, gosh darn it, that it will work. Do you know how many uses there are for a used cat litter bucket or an old toaster?)
I continue my love-hate relationship with the Virginia General Assembly, struggling with one bill that was literally decided on the very last day, just hours before the whole thing adjourned. This is my decompression week where I try to remember what work I put off while being consumed with committee meetings. Forget that old ad on how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. How many days after session must pass before I stop dreaming of bills?
I was slow to accept that what I was doing during the General Assembly was lobbying. That I was a lobbyist — at least part time. So, of course, I had to do a podcast about it. If you don’t want to hear me yammer on, just skip to the music parts.
But enough about me … that’s another joke there, folks, because it’s never enough! — lemme get back to the basketballing! Let’s find out who those lucky #1 seed holders are, and who those courageous, bless-their-hearts #16ers are. The picks are in alphabetical order, including my patented inconsistent, arbitrary doubling up of some folks to keep us at 32 total entries. This year’s doubles go to the Mostly Millennials with spouses or near-spouses (Rivers/Susie, Rhyne/Elizabeth, Katie/Dave, Sarah/Kiran, and Claire/Sam). Then there are the doubling of the wee ones (siblings Rowan/Cora, siblings (and dad) Daniel/Simon/Teddy/Ginny, and cousins Revi/Addie. If y’all don’t like doubling up, then stop falling in love and having kids, OK? Jeez Louise.
So here are the picks for the 2022-Mostly-Annual-Rhyne-Blyth-Patterson-Mike-Lindell-Will-Swear-That-Whoever-Wins-This-Tournament-Didn’t-Actually-Win-and-He’s-Got-the-Evidence-to-Prove-it-But-Won’t-Tell-Us-Until-Jupiter-Aligns-With-Uranus-and-I-Do-Mean-the-Hard-A-Pronunciation-of-That-Word-Basketball-Funstravaganzabration!!
Beth
Wright State (S-16)
Memphis (W-9)
Carl
Montana State (W-14)
Iowa (MW-5)
Caroline
Texas Southern (MW-16)
Longwood (S-14)
Christine
Jacksonville State (MW-15)
Texas (E-6)
Claire/Sam
Indiana (E-12)
San Francisco (E-10)
Dan
Chattanooga (S-13)
Virginia Tech (E-11)
Daniel/Simon/Teddy/Ginny
Kansas (MW-1)
USC (MW-7)
Dell
Mt. St. Mary’s (E-5)
Purdue (E-3)
Dottie
Illinois (S-4)
Michigan State (W-7)
Dub
UAB (S-12)
Kentucky (E-2)
Elaine
TCU (S-9)
Auburn (MW-2)
Elizabeth
Richmond (MW-12)
Providence (MW-4)
Ellie
Texas Tech (W-3)
UCLA (E-4)
Gordon
Notre Dame (W-11)
Villanova (S-2)
Jim
Wisconsin (MW-3)
Davidson (W-10)
Joe
Seton Hall (S-8)
Michigan (S-11)
Karen
Houston (S-5)
Norfolk State (E-16)
Katie/Dave
Loyola-Chicago (S-10)
Baylor (E-1)
Libby
Yale (E-14)
LSU (MW-6)
Martie
Duke (W-2)
Colorado State (S-6)
Megan
Delaware (S-15)
UConn (W-5)
Mike B.
San Diego State (MW-8)
Marquette (E-9)
Mike P.
Miami (MW-10)
Iowa State (MW-11)
Pierce
Arizona (S-1)
UNC (E-8)
Rebecca
Boise State (W-8)
Akron (E-13)
Revi/Addie
Arkansas (W-4)
Georgia State (W-16)
Rhyne/Elizabeth
Vermont (W-13)
New Mexico State (W-12)
Rivers/Susie
Alabama (W-6)
Ohio State (S-7)
Robert
Cal State-Fullerton (W-15)
Gonzaga (W-1)
Rowan/Cora
St. Peter’s (E-15)
Colgate (MW-14)
Sarah/Kiran
Creighton (MW-9)
Tennessee (S-3)
Susan
South Dakota State (MW-13)
Murray St. (E-7)
Congratulations to our #1 seed holders: Pierce (Arizona), Robert (Gonzaga), Katie/Dave (Baylor) and Daniel/Simon/Teddy/Ginny (Kansas). And since Virginia will forever remind us that a #16 is never out of the question anymore, it is nonetheless unlikely that Caroline (Texas Southern), Beth (Wright State), Revi/Addie (George State) or Karen (Norfolk State) will be carrying more than one team into the next round.
Ellie — who lives, sleeps and breathes basketball and always, always has — has the best overall seed total in our bunch. She’s got a #3 and a #4. Three others, though are nipping at her heels, including her cousin Dell — who hates sports with a burning passion and always, always has — her brother/niece/nephews and Martie who have a total of 8.
On the opposite end of the scale, Caroline has this year’s worst total (30), followed by her niece/nephew (29) and Beth and Rhyne/Elizabeth with 25. There are always surprises, though, so I’m not going to count any of them out.
As for interesting picks and match-ups, Martie snagged her Daddy’s alma mater; I got UConn again, which is the team I won this here rodeo with in 2014; Dan didn’t get his alma mater (since they’re not in it), but he got close-enough with Virginia Tech, same with Pierce, he didn’t get his hometown school, but close-enough with UNC and that both of them probably have zero love for either of those “close enough” picks, I can’t guarantee how heartily they’ll cheer them on. Christine has the other “close enough” pick — Jacksonville, but not THAT Jacksonville.
Revi/Addie got the cotton-picking couple of Arkansas and Georgia State, while Carl got the wide-open-spaces duo of Montana St. and Iowa. Dottie has a connection to her Michigan State pick while Mike P. has the polar opposites of Miami and Iowa State.
One game has already been played and I am not feeling particularly pithy today (if this persists, I will be going to the Urgent Care for treatment), so I will leave it here for now. Please share your comments, quotes, Bible verses and recipes.
Good luck to you all, my most special peeps (but not the gross marshmallow kind).
MeggityHoff 